The Milks Gone Bad

Breast feeding Gone Wrong.....
When Real life clashes with Dunder Mifflin:
Just when you thought it was safe to have and breast feed your OWN baby in a hospital someone proves us wrong. Ripped from an episode of NBC's, “The Office”, a Virginia Woman breast fed the WRONG baby at Virginia Hospital Center. Suzanne Libby reported to The Washington Post about her traumatic ordeal:

"It was the worst moment of my entire life," Libby said, when she realized her son was missing and nurses didn't know where he was. "On top of that, to find that another mother breast-fed him, without my knowledge, without my consent, was horrid. . . . He was exposed to someone else's body fluid."

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't you know your OWN baby? I guess they all look alike a day after they are born but dang, a birth mark, the Daddy's nose, an Uncle's eyes, something has to alert you that the baby hanging on to your left nipple is not yours!!!! Oh well, this serves as notice to all those expectant mothers, check your breasts to ensure you have the correct baby latching on. Damn, I guess this Reality Bites, literally!

Pay Yo Fare!

In New York City when you pay your subway fare entertainment is included. Check out this ladyboy serenading passengers with his rendition of "I'm Goin Down".

Things to watch for:

1. Buttocks!
2. This fool molesting the white boy who pretends like nothing is goings on up in there (refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge the happenings at all)
3. Frank & beans
4. Him realizing that he done exposed himself to the passengers and being coy about it (but the show must go on!)
5. The black lady towards the end that is pretending to be disinterested... only to get pulled in (perhaps at the site of franks & beans).

Final thought: I wonder why him didn't stuff his chesticles prior to showtime? Somebody enroll this fool into RuPaul's Drag U! He needs to be schooled!!!

Shattered Dreams

Upon waking up yesterday, I discovered that the beloved, The Dream” Monchichi” Nash, actually tried to commit suicide because his marriage to Christina Millian was a shamockery.

Really Dream, Really?

Allegedly, The Dream pulled a Brandy. ( Yes I used Brandy as a verb) According to Entertainment Weekly, he apologized to ALL his fans in an open letter on his website,
“I’ve cried about this for months, after interviews, after prayer and I’ve tried to take my own life at a point because of the failure that was looming.”

Guess prayer works, because he got over that pretty quick. Thus, his booty grabbing vacation galore with the aforementioned assistant. He denies that adultery was the issue. *Insert MAJOR side-eye. What would we do without his thought provoking music? With such classics like, "Falsetto", "Sweat it Out" and who could forget "Panties to the Side", he will surely go down in history as a great poet. Lawd please don't take my Dream away!!!!!

Terius is officially on my permanent Side Eye Alert List. Obviously, he is having a hard time loving himself. As the most Fabulous man/woman on earth, RuPaul says, “If you don't love yourself, how in the HELL you gonna love somebody else?!” You must love yourself first Mr. Nash!

Style Proper!

Love Shouldn't Hurt and Neither Should Your Braids :/

http://www.stylelist.com/2010/07/14/womans-braids-land-her-in-emergency-room/


A North Carolina lady found herself waking up in the middle of the night with headaches, a swollen face and making trips to the emergency room-- all because her braids were too tight. (I pray she has health insurance and that the American public didn’t pay for that ish but I digress) I sound judge-y but I am ok with that.

Question: didn’t it hurt when the braids were put in? There had to have been warning signs that something wasn’t right before she was calling on the Lord in the middle of the night- before she made multiple trips to the emergency room and before she was diagnosed with a possible MRSA infection.

PS - MRSA is no joke. People die from that ish. Look it up.

The point is we have to pay attention to warning signs. Typically, things don’t go awry all of a sudden. There are little red flags that we missed along the way or simply chose to ignore.

Case in point (albeit a tenuous connection but you can see where I am going with this): Oksana, Mel had to have been crazy before he knocked your teeth out. I wonder what warning signs she missed? There had to have been signs of anger management issues. Perhaps it was the threats of arson and death. IDK.

Let’s be clear-- I am not at all implying that this is Oksana’s fault. It is never ok to hit a woman. I’m just saying that domestic violence is real- pay attention to the warning signs. Get out before it’s too late.

Last question: is wiretapping/recording legal?

Plump it Up

I was tricked into signing up for a Sephora Beauty Insider card by a very slick salesperson.

Typically when asked, I decline signing up for most rewards programs. 1: I'm not an extreme shopper. So the probability of me accumulating enough points to mean something is next to nothing. 2: I'm always hesitant to give out my information (Enemy of the State is real y'all!). But this chick was good! She greeted me at the door immediately asking me if she could be of assistance; she then pointed me in the direction of the the Tarte Mineral Bronzer I was looking to repurchase. She chatted me up for a few minutes then BAM next thing I knew she was filling out the form on my behalf.

Dammit!

So -- I took the card, put it in my wallet and thought nothing of it. A month later I get an email from Sephora wishing me a happy birthday and instructing me to pick up my complimentary gift from the store. I love the free stuff... so to Sephora I went where I received a Sephora Collection eye make-up gift set complete with eye shadow, liner and mascara.

I went out that weekend for my birthday and while getting dressed I used the mascara from the gift set and I fell in love with it.

Rachel Zoe: I DIE!!!!

As described on Sephora's website, Lash Plumper instantly 'fattened my eyelashes' giving me a thicker, more defined texture. For the first time, I could really see the effect of wearing mascara without multiple applications.

Divas!!!! Lash Plumper is a keeper! If you're looking for a go to mascara, try this one. You won't be disappointed.

Sephora Collection Lash Plumper Volumizing Mascara is available online and in stores. It retails for $14 and comes in three colors: black, ultra black and brown. Also comes in waterproof.

Want to be a Beauty Insider? Sign up here.

May the fierce be with you!

Stop the Press!!!

Well, well, well... what do we have here!??! Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are engaged to be married (... AGAIN).

"We got engaged two weeks ago. It felt right..." Palin, 19, tells Us Weekly Magazine in an article published today.

The couple was engaged once before, but decided to go their separate ways shortly after the birth of their now18-month old son, Tripp. Ironically, Bristol and Levi, 20, rekindled their love for each other while negotiating a custody plan.

How do The Palin's feel about their daughters re-engagement? Well, naturally they have turned the whole thing into a Sunday school lesson about forgiveness and second chances. The Palin's released the following statement to the Today Show this morning:

"Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what's best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives."

Well isn't that nice?!

And if that wasn't Christian enough for you, Bristol Palin went on to tell Us Weekly that she and Levi will continue to live separate and practice abstinence until their union was official.

If this chick turns up pregnant within the next few months, I'm going to have to whip out my pregnancy calculator to check her math... I'm so sincere!

Asha & Alphie will continue to follow this story so stay tuned. This will, no doubt, be a shotgun wedding to remember. HEEE HAW!

Summer School is in Session

Mondays are about to become an even bigger drag! Brace yourselves for Logo TV's debut of the highly anticipated (by Alphie and me) RuPaul's Drag U!!!

The show will feature some of our favorite queens of seasons past including: Jujubee, Ongina, Pandora Boxx and Nina Flowers. These Drag Race alums will serve as mentors to the stylistically challenged student body. The goal: to drag-uate as valedictorian of your class. Each hour-long episode with follow the transformation of 3 real women from frumpy to fabulous!

Want more?
 
Catch a sneak peek of the show: here
 
Become a fan of the show on Facebook: here

Unleash your inner drag queen with the Dragulator: here

HARPO, who that WOMAN?!

Just in case this one slipped past you. . .

So Jilly from Philly has pulled the wool over our eyes! Just when we thought it was safe to rock rough and stuff with our AFRO PUFFS, Jill Scott flipped the script and got a press out...

Naw lets keep it real she got that creamy crack!

So how did we find out about this ultimate betrayal you might ask? The Essence Music Festival is the culprit. This is the venue she chose to display her crown and glory. So my investigation has begun, what made her trade in her juices and berries for sodium hydroxide?

Now as a natural sista myself, I understand the frustration of seeing the FAB new short Diva cuts gracing the pages of our most beloved blogs and magazines. Trust me! It wasn't easy watching my secret BFF, Nia Long, on the BET Awards sachay across the stage, looking as good as she wanted to look with that Bad AZZ hair cut. Still, I resisted temptation and did not run to the closest creamy crack assembly line to wait my turn.

Why, Jilly Why??? You were the one that was supposed to stay strong!??!

I guess now that she is a working mother ease of styling was top priority. I can't be mad at that! Add a baby into the natural hair equation and the creamy crack starts to look pretty, pretty good! I guess Jilly said, "F the Revolution! Pass me the Creme of Nature!"

To my Natural Sistas – I say, “Although we have lost one of our Daughters of the Natural Revolution... March On!”

Style Proper!

The Nightmare

When 'Dating Down' Goes Wrong...

I’m sure by now you have heard that Christina Milian and The Dream have decided to end their 10-month marriage. The couple has not been seen together publically since the birth of their 5-month old daughter, Violet. In fact, The Dream denied any friction in their relationship until yesterday when his rep reportedly confirmed to Us Magazine that the couple is moving to dissolve their marriage.

"Terius 'The-Dream' Nash is saddened to announce that his marriage to Christina Milian was unsuccessful. The couple reached this decision in late 2009, but decided to keep the news private in efforts to protect their baby daughter Violet. They ask for consideration and respect for their family moving forward," his rep tells Us.

This statement comes on the heels of the scandalous photographs that surfaced late yesterday afternoon of The Dream “vacationing” in the Caribbean with his personal assistant, Melissa Santiago.

WHAT PART OF 'THE DREAM' IS THIS?!!?

Can we all agree that Christina Milian is a banger? Can we also agree that The Dream is a Monchhichi? So what in the Hezekiah Walker is goings on up in here!??!

I was raised to believe that by sacrificing looks for other compensating factors such as charm and personality you would get a higher return on your relationship investment. With this in mind, some of you may be asking yourself: where did Christina go wrong?

Here at Asha & Alphie, we believe there is much to learn from celeb-reality. Please allow us to offer you this important life lesson:

Concepts such as ‘looking beyond the surface’ and ‘dating down’ do not apply to the fine or the ridiculously rich and famous.

Why? Because money changes everything and extreme physical attraction will make the righteous reconsider!!!

If you are not fine and/or rich (read: ugly) you have to WOO your potential mate! You have to be nothing short of a charming and charismatic mother-father to catch the attention of the opposite sex cause you ain't much to look at. Don't mess around a have a lazy eye and a bad personality... oh you short!

In summary: rich people that are fat and/or ugly are not capable of committed love. They are too busy trying to make up for all of those years of rejection and humiliation (ex: Tiger Woods).

Stay Fierce!